My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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