He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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