could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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