dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
