I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
