True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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