I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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