You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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