made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
