No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
