i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
