Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
