the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
