Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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