this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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