I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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