she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
