You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sext me about skeletons
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
