dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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