I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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