Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
