i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
