i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
