just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
