U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I need to stop coming to work sober
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
