a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He passed out mid-signature
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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