umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
