The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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