i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
