and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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