Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
