I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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