Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
