I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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