I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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