you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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