sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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