you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
