I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
