how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
