i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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