Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
