Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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