the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
