planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
