This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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