Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
