Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
