my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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