that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
