Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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