I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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